The nanny trap

I love our kids. I really do. But having one almost two year old and a six month old is, um, challenging. When we came here, we had already hired two women to work for us. We told them that although we have two kids, we wanted one of them to be a cook, and the other to be in charge of cleaning. Both would have occasional duties of watching the kids, so that I could do some work/study/something. Neither of them was to be a nanny. We were very clear. No nannies in our house. I'm an at home dad, and intend to stay that way.

But man is it turning out to be more difficult than I ever expected. Ellie is great, she has some really fun moments. But she's two. She wants to read the same (annoying) books over and over and over and over and... well, you get the idea. You stop reading, she starts throwing a fit. She wants to walk down the stairs, it takes 10 minutes because she stops on EVERY step and wants to play. She has learned to throw. She likes to draw on herself with markers more than on paper. She's not bad, she's just two. And when there's a six month old who wants attention, pretty much the entire time he's awake, that can cause problems.

At the moment I'm thinking the three of us who are home during the day can just about handle them. But the temptation to get the nanny is there. I don't think I'll succumb, but perhaps not for noble reasons. I've been annoyed in the past by guys who call themselves at home dads, but hire a nanny and then don't actually take care of the kids. They also don't work. That's not an at home dad, that's an unemployed guy. I don't want to be that guy. Right now I feel guilty enough about the care the kids are getting, since we are living in Cambodia, and all the things we are used to doing, and Ellie loves doing, are not available. I know we aren't neglecting them because there are no parks and AFN doesn't have Sesame Street, but that doesn't mean I don't feel bad for not having them. Ben doesn't care, at least. He is just happy to play with me sometimes.

For the record, I think I prefer the term at home dad. The alternative, full-time father, I think has the problem of implying that dads who work somehow are part-time dads. Just because Jen goes to work every day doesn't mean she stops being a mom. I'm not more father than she is mother. Of course, I do agree with the rest of the AHD/FTF community - Mr. Mom, Daddy Daycare, and the others are just stupid. People sometimes ask me if I'm babysitting the kids. Babysitting? They're MY KIDS. Sinen and Somany babysit my kids sometimes. If I take the kids, I'm just taking the kids. Give me a break.

Ok, this is wandering. I'm not wanting to turn into one of those self-obsessed bloggers who writes about every little detail of life, down to the average quality tuna sandwich they almost got for lunch but at the last minute opted for the chicken salad.